Today, I went to UP with the intention of watching a film to complete my required number of Cultural Immersion papers for FA 102. I don’t know what it is about today, but my guess is after this morning’s heartwarming talk with my mom, I’ve been on an emotional high.
In the middle of the film, I decided to step out of the building and just…walk. I walked down the already dark streets of my former school, the chills of the night reminding me of how cold and alone I used to be back when I studied there. Early morning breaks and late afternoon snacks were spent inside my car, with the windows slightly open, and I’d either be sleeping or daydreaming about what I would write next and what I would be doing with my life. I guess that time, I never realized that life seemed to always happen inside my own box.
I kept walking, and walking, and walking. I stopped after a few blocks, beginning to feel a little scared that I was alone and looked lost amidst a sea of students and strangers all rushing to get home. I took the first jeep that would bring me to Katipunan, and the ride back felt oddly comforting. I was suddenly reminded of the girl I used to be, and the person I am now. Of where I was then, and where I am now.
Getting down that jeep, right in front of KFC, I felt a certain lightness. A sort of contentment that told me things never happen just because. They always happen for a reason. That perhaps I really am where I’m supposed to be. That this, wherever I am, is home. And I know one of my greatest fears is not being able to control things—emotions, thoughts, time, life. But that one infinite moment reminded me that it was okay. That somehow, I’d be okay.